Arevik, Vahan and Marriage Customs in Armenia
Խնամխոս, Khnamkhos is the best I can explain in
English is an older Armenian custom where the family of a groom who wants a
bride goes to the home of the bride with cognac, of course, to explain to the family
that the young woman has been chosen to be this man’s bride and there is an
inspection. I will fill in some more details but sitting and listening to
Arevik talk about the custom was fascinating today. But to tell you how
we got on the subject, I must start at the beginning of the afternoon when
Narine’s brother, Vahan, woke up around 1:15 in the afternoon and joined us
having coffee on the front porch.
Narine and I had attended the Noyemberyan
Victory Day celebration at the WWII monument in town. She invited
me to join her for coffee after the celebration. Narine’s tatik, Arevik, her mother, Irene,
and I were sitting on the couch on the front porch when Narine appeared with
the coffee. She started laughing so hard because Arevik was speaking local
language (bar bar) about the fruit trees in the front yard and we were all
looking at them. Narine said it looked
like I understood the local dialect as well because I was looking so intently
with Arevik and Irene in the direction of an apple tree. I told her I
knew we were talking about the fruit trees, just did not understand the
detail.
Irene went inside and Narine began enjoying our
coffee and conversation. I was given a tasty ice cream treat to have with my
coffee. Narine did not like hers and set it down. Arevik picked up her
spoon and the ice cream and decided that it was good, finishing Narine’s ice
cream cup. We were laughing about Arevik’s love of ice cream when Vahan
came walking out on the porch. I said
that the sleeper awakens and teased him about being a mattress tester for a
job. Narine translated for him and told me he usually did not wake up
until 3:00. As he washed his face on the porch, Arevik began clucking her
tongue at Vahan as only a grandmother can.
I love watching the playful arguments between
Arevik and Vahan. I did not understand all of the Armenian being said but
gestures, tone of voice, I knew. My grandmother had fussed at me when I
was close to Vahan’s age with similar disappointment. Arevik kept saying
that she and her husband were hard working people. Her son Varujan, Vahan’s
father, was hard working and so was Vahan’s mother. What was wrong with
Vahan she wondered aloud.
Vahan would grab her hair and tousle it.
He kissed her constantly as she fussed at him that he should be getting
more exercise. Narine explained to me that Vahan said their relative was
very athletic and now needs knee replacement and has arthritis in his joints.
Did Arevik want that for him? I
was laughing even without understanding every word. Then Vahan told her she would miss him when
he leaves for Russia next week. She looked very sad at this.
Narine said that her mother asked Arevik why she
was not so sad about her father leaving for Russia a week ago and now she is so
upset about Vahan leaving. Arevik had a wonderful answer. Her son Varujan is like money in the
bank. His love is locked up tight like
an investment. Grandchildren are like
the interest you make off the money. You worry more about the interest you are
making than the solid money. She does not need to worry about Varujan,
but she will worry about Vahan.
Arevik had a most serious look on her face and,
looking with sad eyes towards Vahan and said something to Narine which I did
not understand. Narine laughed and explained that Arevik said that they
could not do Khnamkhos for Vahan because it would just be a waste of time. And
then explained what it was to me. Vahan started teasing her back and asking her
questions about the process for her. This is when it got the most interesting
for me.
After all the teasing was quieting
down, Arevik began sharing her story.
She was seventeen years old when their grandfather came with his parents
to ask for Arevik. Arevik said the negotiations were going on between the
parents. She told us they met and
decided her fate. She said that they asked her to bring a glass of water to see
if she was elegant enough to carry the water correctly without spilling.
I teased her and asked if she had not liked the way her future husband
had looked could she have spilled the water on purpose. Arevik immediately said Che, Armenian for
no. She then smiled and Narine told me
Arevik said that she did not think of that. Vahan teased her and asked if
it was love at first sight for her and their grandmother. With a serious look but a twinkle in her eye,
she said it was fate for them to be married and love each other. She said it was even different for her
mother.
In the days of her mother, the potential bride
was taken to the back room and stripped by the women of the future groom.
They inspected her physically to see if she was appropriate for the
groom. She was not allowed to
speak. The wedding was different.
The women from the groom’s side of the family prepared food and the
wedding celebration lasted for six or seven days. The bride’s family would have a small
celebration and not be allowed to attend the bigger celebration with the
groom’s family. The mother of the bride was not allowed to speak nor was the
bride allowed to speak to anyone in the groom’s family. She told us that their
great-grandfather was a very nice man and welcomed her to speak. I said
that that was his first mistake, laughing.
Narine told Arevik what I said, and she gave me a funny look not really
agreeing and trying to decide what she thought of my joke. I asked Narine to explain the Navajo practice
of the groom becoming part of the wife’s family instead of the wife joining the
groom’s family. Arevik just looked a
little disgusted and said nothing. I decided it was time to keep my American
humor to myself.
Arevik looked back at these rituals and how they
shifted from her mother’s time to hers to now. There was no questioning
or complaining about those were better days. She just told her stories because
it was what she knew. Her marriage may have been arranged but, to me,
there is no doubt that she loved her husband.
There is also no doubt that she loves her grandchildren and they love
her. I had, as always, a wonderful afternoon with my Armenian family.
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