Arevik, Vahan and Marriage Customs in Armenia

Խնամխոս, Khnamkhos is the best I can explain in English is an older Armenian custom where the family of a groom who wants a bride goes to the home of the bride with cognac, of course, to explain to the family that the young woman has been chosen to be this man’s bride and there is an inspection. I will fill in some more details but sitting and listening to Arevik talk about the custom was fascinating today.  But to tell you how we got on the subject, I must start at the beginning of the afternoon when Narine’s brother, Vahan, woke up around 1:15 in the afternoon and joined us having coffee on the front porch.

Narine and I had attended the Noyemberyan Victory Day celebration at the WWII monument in town.   She invited me to join her for coffee after the celebration.  Narine’s tatik, Arevik, her mother, Irene, and I were sitting on the couch on the front porch when Narine appeared with the coffee.  She started laughing so hard because Arevik was speaking local language (bar bar) about the fruit trees in the front yard and we were all looking at them.  Narine said it looked like I understood the local dialect as well because I was looking so intently with Arevik and Irene in the direction of an apple tree.  I told her I knew we were talking about the fruit trees, just did not understand the detail. 

Irene went inside and Narine began enjoying our coffee and conversation. I was given a tasty ice cream treat to have with my coffee.  Narine did not like hers and set it down. Arevik picked up her spoon and the ice cream and decided that it was good, finishing Narine’s ice cream cup.  We were laughing about Arevik’s love of ice cream when Vahan came walking out on the porch.  I said that the sleeper awakens and teased him about being a mattress tester for a job.  Narine translated for him and told me he usually did not wake up until 3:00. As he washed his face on the porch, Arevik began clucking her tongue at Vahan as only a grandmother can.

I love watching the playful arguments between Arevik and Vahan.  I did not understand all of the Armenian being said but gestures, tone of voice, I knew.  My grandmother had fussed at me when I was close to Vahan’s age with similar disappointment.  Arevik kept saying that she and her husband were hard working people. Her son Varujan, Vahan’s father, was hard working and so was Vahan’s mother.  What was wrong with Vahan she wondered aloud. 

Vahan would grab her hair and tousle it.  He kissed her constantly as she fussed at him that he should be getting more exercise.  Narine explained to me that Vahan said their relative was very athletic and now needs knee replacement and has arthritis in his joints.  Did Arevik want that for him?  I was laughing even without understanding every word.  Then Vahan told her she would miss him when he leaves for Russia next week.  She looked very sad at this.

Narine said that her mother asked Arevik why she was not so sad about her father leaving for Russia a week ago and now she is so upset about Vahan leaving.  Arevik had a wonderful answer.  Her son Varujan is like money in the bank.  His love is locked up tight like an investment.  Grandchildren are like the interest you make off the money. You worry more about the interest you are making than the solid money.  She does not need to worry about Varujan, but she will worry about Vahan.

Arevik had a most serious look on her face and, looking with sad eyes towards Vahan and said something to Narine which I did not understand.  Narine laughed and explained that Arevik said that they could not do Khnamkhos for Vahan because it would just be a waste of time. And then explained what it was to me. Vahan started teasing her back and asking her questions about the process for her. This is when it got the most interesting for me.

After all the teasing was quieting down, Arevik began sharing her story.  She was seventeen years old when their grandfather came with his parents to ask for Arevik.  Arevik said the negotiations were going on between the parents.  She told us they met and decided her fate. She said that they asked her to bring a glass of water to see if she was elegant enough to carry the water correctly without spilling.  I teased her and asked if she had not liked the way her future husband had looked could she have spilled the water on purpose.  Arevik immediately said Che, Armenian for no.  She then smiled and Narine told me Arevik said that she did not think of that.  Vahan teased her and asked if it was love at first sight for her and their grandmother.  With a serious look but a twinkle in her eye, she said it was fate for them to be married and love each other.   She said it was even different for her mother.

In the days of her mother, the potential bride was taken to the back room and stripped by the women of the future groom.  They inspected her physically to see if she was appropriate for the groom.  She was not allowed to speak.  The wedding was different.  The women from the groom’s side of the family prepared food and the wedding celebration lasted for six or seven days.  The bride’s family would have a small celebration and not be allowed to attend the bigger celebration with the groom’s family. The mother of the bride was not allowed to speak nor was the bride allowed to speak to anyone in the groom’s family. She told us that their great-grandfather was a very nice man and welcomed her to speak.  I said that that was his first mistake, laughing.  Narine told Arevik what I said, and she gave me a funny look not really agreeing and trying to decide what she thought of my joke.  I asked Narine to explain the Navajo practice of the groom becoming part of the wife’s family instead of the wife joining the groom’s family.  Arevik just looked a little disgusted and said nothing. I decided it was time to keep my American humor to myself.

Arevik looked back at these rituals and how they shifted from her mother’s time to hers to now.  There was no questioning or complaining about those were better days. She just told her stories because it was what she knew.  Her marriage may have been arranged but, to me, there is no doubt that she loved her husband.  There is also no doubt that she loves her grandchildren and they love her. I had, as always, a wonderful afternoon with my Armenian family.

 The picture is from October on a cold afternoon but it is Arevik and Vahan walking together, a very familiar pose.